Arise

You turned my wailing into dancing; 

You removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy

(Psalm 30:11)

There are still things that struggle within me,

battles going round, round tumbling in my head.

Reminders in places I used to go

now anxiety causing

panic inducing

until I quickly shut down and say

I will not go there again,

it is better to stay a prisoner

Holy places that should bring comfort

are good for a moment

but my mind has not forgotten terror

of what happened while I was

absent from my watch.

I leave too quickly 

still wanting to be

allowed to stay.

Music I heard in times ago still bring

sadness joy memories 

my tapping foot

turns into a nervous agitation 

too much

too much to bear

the changes I cannot get past.

But G-d said I am mighty.

Mighty strength is in me

it will not let me

succumb to the apprehension that threatens

an uprising in my heart mind soul.

I will dance in place of crying

sing rather than fear

and walk, purposefully, one foot in front of the other

slowly making my way forward.

Battle causing 

fear creating 

paralyzing monster:

I will arise.