Monday, April 9, 2012

Made This Way (PAD Prompt)

The long needle pierces me again and again.
First my heart, where it stays, stings
(You are too clumsy to dance) my mother said.
It begins to stir, reviving pain adding to it
(Maybe you are going to be pretty. I never thought you would be) my father admitted.
Now it is being wrenched back and forth, stirring the blood
widening the hole it first created.
No!  It is breaking my heart.
I feel the pieces fall away
I try to catch them to put them back
but it is far too late.
(You pretty? Ha!) a boy told me.
(You ain't got no tits!) Yelled from a car full of young men
in summer where tourists neighbors everywhere know I am not.
Another, a spear, was added long ago
through my eye
into my brain
scrambling like eggs
all thoughts feelings of self.
(Why did you write that? You need to see a psychiatrist) my father said.
(You need to go on a diet. Carrot sticks in your lunch box) my mother decided.
(You are not working up to your potential) everyone said.
(NO ONE WILL WANT YOU) my thoughts said.
(UGLY, JUST UGLY) echoed in my mind.
(WHY? WHY DID HE LEAVE ME?) my heart wept.
(I'M NOT GOOD ENOUGH) yelled my brain.
Now the needle broke
leaving my heart irreparable.
The spear that took up residence but still protruded
so at any time they could grab it and twist
tear disrupt who I was meant to be.
No wonder he left.
I'm not good enough.

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